Here is the quick and easy to your situation. Number one, figure out your motivation behind the introduction. (Why are you doing this?) And number two, figure out any expectations you have of your daughter regarding the introduction. (Are you expecting her to love him and embrace him as you do?) If you feel like introducing your daughter to your guy would solve problems between the two of you because that is what you argue about most and you are feeling pressure around it… don’t do it. It’s not the right reason. If you are ready to take things to the next level with your boyfriend and it feels like the natural progression of things to introduce him to your daughter, then it makes sense to involve her now.
Kids don’t miss anything. They are more intuitive than us when it comes to this stuff. This is not a casual meeting. Give it the dignity and thought it deserves (which it sounds like you are). If you decide to move forward and introduce them, be honest and clear with her about it. No matter what the success of you and your boyfriend is, she will learn from this experience about relationships. I suggest having a chat with her about the relationship between you and her and be clear that no matter how much fighting or disagreeing you two may have, you are always connected. This new relationship you are bringing into her life is not of the same caliber. Things may end up great, they may end up not so great, but this introduction is happening because you think it could be great. You can’t know until you try. So, by being honest you will teach her life lessons.
One final thing… divorce is just one of the many difficult experiences that we can go through in life. It is not the end all. You have not ruined your child with this decision (at all). All we can do is our best in all situations we find ourselves in, learn from them, and then move forward. Teaching your daughter this as well, will empower her in life for when she finds herself in challenging times.
Thanks for having Tea with Tyler